Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
