There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
