Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
