apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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