I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
