I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
smell my finger.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
