Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
