i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
