I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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