It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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