I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
