hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
