i will never coherently bang her
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
