I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
