at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
