Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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