I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
