I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
