one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
