Don't make out with my wife yet
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
