And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
