Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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