when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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