4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
