News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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