fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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