I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
