i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
