That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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