i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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