I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she smelled like a LAN party
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
NoShamevember. You game?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
