She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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