I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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