I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
