Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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