I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
