if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
