woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
