I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
