he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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