one two three fourrrrnication!
one might say we're banned from that church
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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