under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
