It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
