Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
