I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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