well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
