i jhust puked up my retainher.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
