i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
