oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
