I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
