Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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