He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
