Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
