Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
