a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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