I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How external is "for external use only"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
