You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
