take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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