You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
