Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
