I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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